Another week has come and gone. It's gotten a little warmer (thankfully). Last week it was so cold, that one morning I woke up, rolled over, and put my glasses on...and they fogged up. That said, I've spent my weekend trying to winterize. I bought an electric heater, a kotatsu blanket, and a pile of clothes.
Some days, I find myself questioning why I wanted to come to Japan. Sure, it's something that I've wanted to do since high school. I'm not too sure why... I guess it started off as a neat idea, and it never really left my head. By the time the actual possibility of coming was staring me in the face, I started to wonder if it's even what I still wanted to do. I mean, I had a job, all my friends, and someone to settle down with all in Ottawa. Why give it up? During the crazy JET-elimination process, I really wondered if it was all worth it. Some days I secretly hoped I wouldn't get in and then I'd have an excuse to stay at home. I guess I'm lucky that I had someone who wouldn't let me give up on the dream that I once had.
Yah yah, I'm doing it to find myself, to become stronger as an individual, and all that jazz. The only thing I've *found* over here is new friends, some frustration, and a lot of life lessons. Don't get me wrong, I love the new people I've met, and they're not life lessons if they're not useful, right? But some days I feel like I haven't actually found MYself. What am I really looking for?
Sure, I'm learning to live on my own. Taking out garbage, cleaning, vacuuming, grocery-shopping, all the lovely stuff. Living on your own is scarier than it seems. Especially when you're a girl and you live alone. On the first floor (where any stranger can be peeping through your windows). The other night, there was a huge thunderstorm. The thunder rumbled on for at least 15 seconds at a time. A couple of thunderbooms sounded like they were RIGHT over my roof! Heck, one thunderzap was so loud that I heard my cups and bowls start rattling on the shelf! I admit that I got a little freaked out. And what did I do? I did the only thing I know how to do when I get scared...run to my safe place. I called John at work to tell him that I was scared. He called me a big baby (in a playful and not mocking my fears kind of way - he's not a jerk!). And I felt better just hearing him tell me that I'd be okay.
So that just makes me a little upset with myself. It's no use being here to learn to live on my own if I just go running back to a security blanket every time things are a little scary. In September, I called my brother because I didn't know how to fix the soft tires on my bikes (just pump it with air...sounded easy enough!). How was I supposed to know that they just normally get soft on their own? Here's another handy-dandy lesson: carrots don't keep at room temperature - gotta stick 'em in the fridge. And when you have 4 or 5 somewhat ikky carrots to eat in a hurry...don't try to mash them. They don't mash well.
I guess it just makes me feel a little weak and helpless. And that's not who I think I am. Maybe I came to find the wrong person. Who is this "zet" person and what the heck is she doing here?!
Some days, I find myself questioning why I wanted to come to Japan. Sure, it's something that I've wanted to do since high school. I'm not too sure why... I guess it started off as a neat idea, and it never really left my head. By the time the actual possibility of coming was staring me in the face, I started to wonder if it's even what I still wanted to do. I mean, I had a job, all my friends, and someone to settle down with all in Ottawa. Why give it up? During the crazy JET-elimination process, I really wondered if it was all worth it. Some days I secretly hoped I wouldn't get in and then I'd have an excuse to stay at home. I guess I'm lucky that I had someone who wouldn't let me give up on the dream that I once had.
Yah yah, I'm doing it to find myself, to become stronger as an individual, and all that jazz. The only thing I've *found* over here is new friends, some frustration, and a lot of life lessons. Don't get me wrong, I love the new people I've met, and they're not life lessons if they're not useful, right? But some days I feel like I haven't actually found MYself. What am I really looking for?
Sure, I'm learning to live on my own. Taking out garbage, cleaning, vacuuming, grocery-shopping, all the lovely stuff. Living on your own is scarier than it seems. Especially when you're a girl and you live alone. On the first floor (where any stranger can be peeping through your windows). The other night, there was a huge thunderstorm. The thunder rumbled on for at least 15 seconds at a time. A couple of thunderbooms sounded like they were RIGHT over my roof! Heck, one thunderzap was so loud that I heard my cups and bowls start rattling on the shelf! I admit that I got a little freaked out. And what did I do? I did the only thing I know how to do when I get scared...run to my safe place. I called John at work to tell him that I was scared. He called me a big baby (in a playful and not mocking my fears kind of way - he's not a jerk!). And I felt better just hearing him tell me that I'd be okay.
So that just makes me a little upset with myself. It's no use being here to learn to live on my own if I just go running back to a security blanket every time things are a little scary. In September, I called my brother because I didn't know how to fix the soft tires on my bikes (just pump it with air...sounded easy enough!). How was I supposed to know that they just normally get soft on their own? Here's another handy-dandy lesson: carrots don't keep at room temperature - gotta stick 'em in the fridge. And when you have 4 or 5 somewhat ikky carrots to eat in a hurry...don't try to mash them. They don't mash well.
I guess it just makes me feel a little weak and helpless. And that's not who I think I am. Maybe I came to find the wrong person. Who is this "zet" person and what the heck is she doing here?!
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