Well, Christmas has come and gone. I actually felt very sad around Christmas time. I know it's supposed to be rather joyous and all that, and I was very excited about going to church and seeing everyone that I hadn't seen in, well, over a year. It's hard to explain, but I felt sad because I felt at a loss, in a way. I realized that pretty much all of my old friends, everyone I'd grown up with, now lives in Toronto. And they can really only come back at Christmas, so I will only see them once a year unless I can go to Toronto.

In one sense, I feel like a bit of an "underachiever" somehow. Everyone had gone away to university and then found jobs in Toronto. I was about the only one who stayed and settled here. Everyone seems to have great jobs, working for the banks or in the financial sector. I'm working at a non-profit where some students are afraid of answering the phone in English.

Maybe it's the same reason why I always felt "different" at church. I grew up downtown. Everyone else grew up in the 'burbs. Everyone else had a typical upbringing. My mom raised the 3 of us on her own, and I never had to take music lessons or had to go to Chinese school (until later, anyway). Other kids weren't allowed downtown. It was too "rough" for them to hang out in. I wandered the streets with my friends, hanging out in arcades or pool halls and staying out late. Real late.

I look back now and sometimes I think my mom was a little nuts for letting me get away with what I did back then. But I'm glad she was liberal enough to let me do what I wanted to and letting me get burned so I'd learn my own lessons. I'm glad that she decided she didn't raise a stupid kid, and let me make my own decisions. Sure, money was tight and I had to fight for a lot of things on my own.

And that's why I'm "different" from the others. It was because I went to Chinese school later that I actually appreciated having a semblance of literacy in Chinese. I found I actually had a knack for it. That drew me into studying linguistics after a failed stint in economics. That led me to teaching. I love it. I'm sure many of our parents came to Canada not knowing much English, and they had someone to teach them and help them. This is my way of giving back.

I may not be a "success" in some people's definitions. I don't have a very prestigious job with a well-known company. But I am a hero to many.

So while I really miss my friends and it makes me sad to think that we can't spend nearly as much time together as we used to, I don't envy them.