We had seminars in OKC this week on Thursday and Friday, and I was politely reminded that I haven't blogged in a while. But really, what's there to say?

We had oodles of seminars and workshops and whatever else, and basically a whole lot of forced buddy-buddy time with my supervisor. Now, granted, I think my supervisor is AWESOME. If there was like a supervisor-of-the-prefecture award, I would totally nominate him! We work well together, I think. But when we were told to talk about our problems or whatever, we were just kinda like, "hmm... *shrug*.... so, any ideas for next term's lesson plans?" We really had no complaints to air! And when we were in another workshop, we had find about a few things about each other, and we said which countries we'd like to visit. He said he'd go to Canada to come visit me!! Awww!!

It was really lovely to see everyone all in one spot, but we totally didn't get enough time to catch up with each other. :( The whole mid-year seminar seemed fun (mostly)...so fun, in fact, that it felt like a weekend! Then at the end of the fake weekend came the real weekend! YAY!

Another week has come and gone. It's gotten a little warmer (thankfully). Last week it was so cold, that one morning I woke up, rolled over, and put my glasses on...and they fogged up. That said, I've spent my weekend trying to winterize. I bought an electric heater, a kotatsu blanket, and a pile of clothes.

Some days, I find myself questioning why I wanted to come to Japan. Sure, it's something that I've wanted to do since high school. I'm not too sure why... I guess it started off as a neat idea, and it never really left my head. By the time the actual possibility of coming was staring me in the face, I started to wonder if it's even what I still wanted to do. I mean, I had a job, all my friends, and someone to settle down with all in Ottawa. Why give it up? During the crazy JET-elimination process, I really wondered if it was all worth it. Some days I secretly hoped I wouldn't get in and then I'd have an excuse to stay at home. I guess I'm lucky that I had someone who wouldn't let me give up on the dream that I once had.

Yah yah, I'm doing it to find myself, to become stronger as an individual, and all that jazz. The only thing I've *found* over here is new friends, some frustration, and a lot of life lessons. Don't get me wrong, I love the new people I've met, and they're not life lessons if they're not useful, right? But some days I feel like I haven't actually found MYself. What am I really looking for?

Sure, I'm learning to live on my own. Taking out garbage, cleaning, vacuuming, grocery-shopping, all the lovely stuff. Living on your own is scarier than it seems. Especially when you're a girl and you live alone. On the first floor (where any stranger can be peeping through your windows). The other night, there was a huge thunderstorm. The thunder rumbled on for at least 15 seconds at a time. A couple of thunderbooms sounded like they were RIGHT over my roof! Heck, one thunderzap was so loud that I heard my cups and bowls start rattling on the shelf! I admit that I got a little freaked out. And what did I do? I did the only thing I know how to do when I get scared...run to my safe place. I called John at work to tell him that I was scared. He called me a big baby (in a playful and not mocking my fears kind of way - he's not a jerk!). And I felt better just hearing him tell me that I'd be okay.

So that just makes me a little upset with myself. It's no use being here to learn to live on my own if I just go running back to a security blanket every time things are a little scary. In September, I called my brother because I didn't know how to fix the soft tires on my bikes (just pump it with air...sounded easy enough!). How was I supposed to know that they just normally get soft on their own? Here's another handy-dandy lesson: carrots don't keep at room temperature - gotta stick 'em in the fridge. And when you have 4 or 5 somewhat ikky carrots to eat in a hurry...don't try to mash them. They don't mash well.

I guess it just makes me feel a little weak and helpless. And that's not who I think I am. Maybe I came to find the wrong person. Who is this "zet" person and what the heck is she doing here?!